Under pressure
Students throughout the developed and developing world are under increasing pressure to do well in their school tests and exams as competition to get into the best universities and colleges strengthens.
Some parts of the world have high suicide rates and attempted suicide rates among the young as students – stressed by long school days and extra tuition after hours – fall victim to pressures put on them by perhaps unrealistic expectations.
The fact is that we human beings all need some stress in our lives – it’s part of our nature, part of our survival instinct. But there is good stress and bad stress – good stress is motivating, bad stress can be annihilating.
Is your child suffering from stress?
What can you do as a parent to ensure that your sons and daughters take the balanced view to life that means they will do well at school, get the grades they need to get on in life, but remain happy rounded individuals who enjoy life and enjoy their success?
Well for a start you can show them what balance means – hard work yes, but balanced with good nutrition, plenty of sleep, lots of physical exercise, and time to relax with friends and family. All of these things build new connections in the brain making it capable of more and more flexible thinking.
There is an old English saying : “All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.” If you expect your son and daughter to study most of the time they are awake – at school and at home - they will not be growing their brain power by being exposed to the learning opportunities you have when you try something new – learning the guitar, painting a picture, building a website. They will not be sharpening their wits by testing out new ideas on you in conversations on the sofa or round the dinner table with the family. They will not be learning to work in teams or develop social skills by having healthy friendship circles that plan soccer matches in the park or trips to the mall and the cinema.
Their studies may make them marvellous mathematicians or sensational scientists or brilliant at business studies but, ultimately, it won’t make them employable by the best global companies who are constantly lamenting the shortage of people who have the grades but are short of the verbal skills, the social skills, the team skills and the ability to innovate and think out of the box that their company needs to compete.
It also may make them unhappy – always feeling they could be that little bit better, always fearful of trying something new, always unable to cope with things outside their immediate comfort zone – their knowledge and experience bank.
Pressure might be coming from you as a parent who wants to see their child do better than you have in life, or as well as you if you are particularly successful in your chosen career.
But it may also be coming from the child who feels under peer and school pressure to do better. I know because I have been asked by parents what they can do about their teenagers who are constantly striving for better and better grades at the expense of a balanced life.
Well for a start you have to set a good example. You shouldn’t work all hours and find no time for relaxation for yourself or with your family. A parent who is engaged in their child’s learning will also know what they are studying and will discuss it with the child on a regular basis – learning from what they are being told and contributing with their own knowledge. When parents and children find the time to talk openly and with kindess and interest to one another, stress levels will fall for everyone
So spend at least 15 minutes a day talking to your child, asking what they have learned that day, asking how they are feeling. If you are out of the country or can’t get back from work before their bedtime, have an email conversation or an instant messaging conversation or even an old fashioned phone conversation.
A pressure cooker blows up because the lid is on to tight and the vents are shut. Get properly in touch with your school aged child, keep in touch with the school about what they are studying and have realistic expectations about what they can achieve. Don’t live their lives for them but don’t cast them adrift on a sea of expectations that will drown them.
How GEMS Can Help
Our teachers are trained to have realistic expectations of your children. If you feel your child is under pressure because of school work, go into school and have a dialogue with the teacher about it. They may have ways of alleviating the problem.
